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Dear Abby: Former drug user looks for a way out of toxic relationship

by Marjorie

DEAR ABBY: I am a 39-year-old girl in a poisonous relationship with my boyfriend of virtually seven years. We had a baby collectively however misplaced custody as a result of drug use throughout my being pregnant. Despite the fact that we do not have our son, and he treats me badly, I really feel I’ve to stick with him as a result of we have now gone via a lot collectively.

A few years in the past, I received dentures as a result of I ruined my tooth after I was utilizing, and now I am afraid nobody will wish to be with me due to them. So I am caught in a relationship that is not good for me. It is embarrassing to have dentures at such a younger age, and I do not understand how I will meet somebody who can see previous them and my drug historical past so I could be in a wholesome relationship that I deserve. I really feel like my solely decisions are to remain caught on this poisonous relationship ceaselessly or find yourself alone. How do I transfer previous my insecurities so I could be completely happy for as soon as? — EMBARRASSED IN ARIZONA

DEAR EMBARRASSED: You could have efficiently battled drug habit, so you’re clearly not unused to “challenges.” I applaud you for what you might have completed, and others ought to respect you for it, too.

Please don’t enable your concern of being alone to forestall you from taking one other necessary step in reclaiming your life. You and I each know your abuser just isn’t wholesome for you. You could have already invested an excessive amount of time in him. In case you depend on him for monetary assist, discover a job. Make preparations with mates or household so you may ultimately save sufficient to dwell independently.

After you might have left him, being alone doesn’t essentially should be a nasty factor. In your case it could possibly be therapeutic. And as soon as you’re financially steady, seek the advice of a dentist or a faculty of dentistry about what choices you might need apart from dentures. The one factor holding you again at this level is your self.

DEAR ABBY: I’m a 37-year-old mom of three, ages 13, 5 and three. I am married and personal my house. I’m a brand new stay-at-home mother after having labored for 16 years at my final job. My children are completely happy and wholesome.

Any time I’m going to my mother and father’ home or they drop in on me for a fast go to, they should “level out” that it’s a mess or that my oldest is carrying denims with holes in them. There’s all the time a damaging remark, by no means a optimistic one. My oldest has began to note. It makes it laborious to spend time with my mother and father for the reason that go to is rarely a contented one with out nitpicking. I am questioning if I can say something, and what to say.

I am unable to even lower or shade my hair with out ridicule. My oldest received her nails executed and there was a damaging remark about that as properly. A couple of years in the past, there was a blowout between my mother and me over my son’s haircut. I am on the level the place I now not wish to go to their home, however I do not wish to preserve my children from them. — ANNOYED IN IDAHO

DEAR ANNOYED: Say one thing like this to your mother and father: “I’ve seen, and the youngsters have began noticing, that whenever you go to you normally have one thing damaging to say about me, my house and even them. It’s hurtful and I need it stopped, as a result of if it persists you will not be invited.” And if it does proceed, please bear in mind it’s your proper as your youngsters’s mom to buffer them from feedback from their grandparents that make them self-conscious about their look.

Childhood recollections result in battle

DEAR ABBY: My sister, who had epilepsy as a small youngster within the Nineteen Seventies, now makes use of her illness as a weapon towards the remainder of the household. I’m at my wits’ finish about what to do about the way in which she mistreats our 83-year-old mom. She now not is handled for epilepsy, and her childhood recollections about the way in which she was handled are improper. If something, she was spoiled and babied far too lengthy due to her illness. She claims she has PTSD, makes use of pot to self-medicate and refuses to go to a physician for assist. As a substitute she blames everybody else for her “horrible childhood.”

My different two siblings and I don’t agree together with her that she grew up in a “damaged house.” She frequently rehashes misremembered issues from 50 years in the past and makes use of them for gasoline to rationalize why she is so tousled. Her psychological sickness is getting worse, and it is affecting everybody round her. I like her, however I am unable to stand to be round her anymore. Ought to I encourage Mother to not have any extra contact together with her? Please assist. — INTOLERABLE IN TENNESSEE

DEAR INTOLERABLE: Your sister seems to have extra improper together with her than her historical past of epilepsy. You need to share this truth along with your mom if she is being emotionally abused. In case you really feel the abuse extends additional than that, a spot to soundly report it could be the Eldercare Locator helpline (800-677-1116). It’ll then be as much as your mom to determine how a lot publicity to this troubled daughter she is keen to tolerate.

DEAR ABBY: As a first-time mother, I’m a late bloomer. My daughter turns 1 in just a few weeks. We’re grateful to have the ability to have a primary birthday celebration celebration for her. Fairly just a few persons are coming. After not having the ability to have a child bathe due to the pandemic, this would be the first gathering having something to do with my solely youngster.

My query is, can we open items on the celebration? My concern is, it is already lots for a 1-year-old, and forcing her to open presents with folks looking at her appears daunting. Will folks get bored watching that?

The celebration is in a park with a pleasant playground, and we will likely be offering meals, video games, desserts and different actions. I’m an avid thank-you card author and have considered taking photos of her opening her items, and sending the gifters the photograph with the cardboard the following day. What do you assume? — UNSURE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNSURE: Since you are late to motherhood, talk about this with mates or kin who’re extra skilled. Your concept is good, however your 1-year-old is simply too younger to open any of her presents. (You might need her attempt to open one or two, however do not rely on it.) She’ll possible be much more within the birthday cake. In case you put it in entrance of her, do not be shocked if she face-plants into it. Her consideration span will likely be brief and she or he may have a nap to move off a meltdown, so be ready. Your concept of together with an image of her opening her items is an efficient one, however reserve it till she is older.

Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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